Thursday, September 23, 2004

"My Everything"

It's been a whole week since I've posted sad :( I think It's funny how we start things and then never finish them. I know that around my house at home, my dad has started so many projects that never end up getting finished. That is probably one of my biggest pet have to start a project and leave it half done. This past summer, while working at a doctor's office, I had the wonderful priviledge (yeah right!) of re-organizing ALL of the medical charts. The office probably has around 15,000 patients or this was a pretty large task. I had to go home everyday knowing that my job was not done...this drove me crazy! I hate to do things half-way...I would rather not start at all than start and not be able to finish. I am also one to not do things that I know I will not excel at. Like sports...pretty much if it has to do with a ball...I SUCK AT IT! So therefore, I don't try anything, and in turn miss out on a lot! I was thinking about this earlier, and it came in to my mind that I am so glad that God does not have a problem finishing his projects. Just before Jesus died on the cross, he said, "IT IS FINISHED!" My salvation is complete...paid in full...He didn't half-way save me! It also says in Philippians 1:6 that "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion"! How awesome is that? God promises us that He will complete the work that he has started in each of us. How liberating to realize that I am not already complete! I'm so glad that I have not "arrived", because if this is it...then it's not all that great...there's got to be more! There much more! I am confident that God has incredible things in store for me, He wants to complete me...all I have to do is allow Him to do the work.

God, right now I give you free reign in my life. I want you to complete the work that you started in me...if there is anything in me that is in the way of you working I pray that you would just remove it. I want to be free. Free from opinion, free from sin, free from myself. I ask that you would open my eyes to the "big picture" and give me strength as I choose obedience to your call. I love you more than words can express. You are MY EVERYTHING!

Thursday, September 16, 2004

"Class Notes"

I was so incredibly bored during one of my classes today, so I thought it would be fun to see what kind of “random thoughts” my classmates had...I passed around a sheet of paper and this is what I got back:

“I think we talk about the exact same thing everyday!”

“Did you know that green M&M’s make your boobs grow?”
(someone added...”and your butt too!”)

“If I were to lose almost all of my hair, I would shave it off and go bald!”

“What would happen if humans had pouches like kangaroos?”

“I have sexy feet!”

“A green bug is tickling my finger!”

“Why was the cucumber blushing?...Because he saw the salad dressing...hahaha!”

“What about the dog and the doghouse?...tell me about that!”

“My butt is falling asleep!”

“It’s not easy being green!”

“Can a cow be sexy in a bikini?”

“People don’t own cats; Cats own people!”

“How does a thermos know to keep some food hot and some cool?”

“The moment may not last forever, but the memory does!”

“If you fart while wearing spandex pants, will your shoes fly off?”

“Interrupting pineapple!”

“Guys who shalack are just trouble!”

“You live, you learn, you cut your legs up!”

“Beware of the cross-dressing midgets, because that is where the evening is headed!”

Any random thoughts to add?

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

"Random Thoughts"

This is something that I wrote in the middle of the night a few months ago...

There is much in life that confuses the heck out of me. Sometimes late at night I lie awake in my bed and ponder the things in life that really matter. This is not what brand of jeans I will wake up and slide into after hitting the snooze button for over an hour, if I am or ever will be “mr. popular”, or if maybe this summer will be the one that I will have a good tan and that oh-so-sexy 6-pack…however, these things do cross my mind every once in a while…but in the secrecy of the night, when my mind starts to race and I can’t keep my eyes closed for anything, my thoughts shift from these seemingly pivotal yet sincerely trivial things to the core of who I am. This is where the confusing part comes in.

People are so hard to read sometimes. It is universally understood that there is a certain mystery about females that guys will never be able to figure out, and believe it or not, girls, there is a lot about the male species that you don’t quite understand either. Yes, we do have something going on inside our heads…well most of us anyway. Have you ever been in a relationship, even a friendship where you desperately wished you could know the thought processes of the other party? I know I have. Or even your parents. By the way…kids will never understand their parents, and parents will never understand their kids…it’s inevitable. The point is that as people we are limited in our understanding. I think that these limitations are not just related to our understanding of other people, but also our own selves.

Don’t you hate to hear your voice recorded on an answering machine? Sometimes I hear myself talking and I think, “Who is that?” The person that we hear and know is often times very different from the person that we portray. To quote one of my favorite movies, “it never sounds quite like you play it in your head”. It makes me wonder….which is the real me? The “me” that I know or the “me” that everyone else knows? I don’t even know what I think of me, why should I consider what other people think? I have lived too long under the oppression of the opinions of other people. Why do we do this? Why have I lived the majority of my 18 years for other people? Think about it. Our clothes, our hair, the music we listen to, the things that we say, the things that we don’t say, the things that we do, the things that we try, the people we talk to , the places we go, the car that we drive, the things we participate in, the girls we date, the girls we use…I could go on and on. Every single aspect of our lives revolves around the fear of what other people will think about us. We are afraid our parents will be disappointed, we are afraid our friends won’t think we’re cool, we’re afraid that our boyfriend/girlfriend won’t love us anymore unless…you name it! How is it that we, as a generation, have lost the ability to think for ourselves? We rely on affirmation. We follow the crowd. We give in too easily. We have been infected with a disease that is killing all individuality and making us carbon copies of each other.

Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “not me”. I think for myself. I don’t shop at Abercrombie or Hollister. I haven’t compromised my values or my feelings for anyone. I would beg to differ. When was the last time that you really questioned your motives? Why do you sit where you do at lunch? Is it because that seat is the most comfortable, or because it’s closest to the exit? I think not. It’s because you want to fit in. Now, I’m not saying it’s bad to fit in, or even to be popular. Being well-liked and respected by your peers is something that should be desired by all. But how you go about achieving this is the issue at hand. Do people like you because of what you wear or because of who you are?

We are taught from an early age what is attractive and what is not. Television, Movies, Magazines all portray the ideal life. For girls it’s beautifully straight hair, big boobs, and a size 2 waist….but that’s not all, you must be incredibly tanned all year long, wear expensive clothing and carry a Louis Vuitton purse. For guys it is that 6-pack I mentioned earlier, along with other muscles and the same tanned skin…also, you must be somewhat rugged and wild, play sports, and have sex with as many of the above described females as possible. Not only is that life unattainable, it doesn’t consider anything other than appearances. An attractive outside does not make up for an ugly inside. We can look perfect on the outside and be rotting away. It doesn’t really make sense to desperately want those incredible abs to show off at the beach, when the part of me that really matters, my character, is nothing to be proud of. I sure do wish that someone would invent a mirror that shows us what we look like on the inside…I wonder how much time we would spend in front of a mirror like that.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?” We all seek affirmation. We want to be noticed. This innate desire for recognition is the cause of the sacrifice of individuality in our generation. “Dress to impress”…Impress who? Who are we trying to impress with our fake appearances? Who are we trying to please? Do you honestly think that when you die it will matter how many pair of designer jeans you own or if you were “popular” in high school? In college? At work? I don’t think so! I am not saying that affirmation is bad; I just think that recognition should be reserved for things that deserve it. Things like being unique, holding true to your personal values under pressure, saving yourself until marriage. These rarities in our generation are the things that should be receiving affirmation. Maybe instead of asking who’s the fairest of all, or prettiest of all, or anything like that we should ask, “Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the purest of them all”.

"Eternal Issues"

Today has been interesting as of yet. I woke up to find that I had slept throught my bio lab, later on when I checked my checking account balance online I found that I had an overdraft fee, and then when I went to go to the bank to deposit some money...guess car wouldn't start! Is it just me or does this kind of stuff seem to happen all the time! I get so frustrated with life sometimes...nothing ever seems to work out the way that we plan! My Grandma has a saying..."life is what happens to you while you're on the way to do what you had planned to do". Sometimes I feel like I'm living out Alanis Morisette's song "Ironic". "It's like rain on your wedding day...a free ride when you've already's the good advice that you just didn't take...who would've thought? it figures!" I especially like the line where she's like "it's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife". I feel like that all the time! My keys, wallet, cell phone, and anything else of importance, have a really annoying habbit of getting lost...this irritates me to death! I feel like such an idiot too, because I'll be freaking out cuz I lost my keys, have been looking for them forever and think that I might just die if I don't find them...and then there they are...right in front of my face! I was at a retreat a few weekends ago, and the speaker talked about how we spend so much time focused on things that don't really matter. The things that really matter in life are things that have eternal significance...things like love. I'm not talking about musy-gusy love like in a happy-go-lucky chick flick, but down in the dirt, get your hands dirty, love 'till it hurts, kind of love. Love is sacrificial. Love is painful. Love is vulnerable. Love is humble. Love is mature-being able to look at things like lost keys, overdraft fees, and sucky cars and saying..."this is not an eternal issue"! It is my prayer that I will learn how to love more like Christ, that I will put to death my attitude of "It's all about me", and truly live a life that screams, "IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU JESUS!"