"Random Thoughts"

This is something that I wrote in the middle of the night a few months ago...

There is much in life that confuses the heck out of me. Sometimes late at night I lie awake in my bed and ponder the things in life that really matter. This is not what brand of jeans I will wake up and slide into after hitting the snooze button for over an hour, if I am or ever will be “mr. popular”, or if maybe this summer will be the one that I will have a good tan and that oh-so-sexy 6-pack…however, these things do cross my mind every once in a while…but in the secrecy of the night, when my mind starts to race and I can’t keep my eyes closed for anything, my thoughts shift from these seemingly pivotal yet sincerely trivial things to the core of who I am. This is where the confusing part comes in.

People are so hard to read sometimes. It is universally understood that there is a certain mystery about females that guys will never be able to figure out, and believe it or not, girls, there is a lot about the male species that you don’t quite understand either. Yes, we do have something going on inside our heads…well most of us anyway. Have you ever been in a relationship, even a friendship where you desperately wished you could know the thought processes of the other party? I know I have. Or even your parents. By the way…kids will never understand their parents, and parents will never understand their kids…it’s inevitable. The point is that as people we are limited in our understanding. I think that these limitations are not just related to our understanding of other people, but also our own selves.

Don’t you hate to hear your voice recorded on an answering machine? Sometimes I hear myself talking and I think, “Who is that?” The person that we hear and know is often times very different from the person that we portray. To quote one of my favorite movies, “it never sounds quite like you play it in your head”. It makes me wonder….which is the real me? The “me” that I know or the “me” that everyone else knows? I don’t even know what I think of me, why should I consider what other people think? I have lived too long under the oppression of the opinions of other people. Why do we do this? Why have I lived the majority of my 18 years for other people? Think about it. Our clothes, our hair, the music we listen to, the things that we say, the things that we don’t say, the things that we do, the things that we try, the people we talk to , the places we go, the car that we drive, the things we participate in, the girls we date, the girls we use…I could go on and on. Every single aspect of our lives revolves around the fear of what other people will think about us. We are afraid our parents will be disappointed, we are afraid our friends won’t think we’re cool, we’re afraid that our boyfriend/girlfriend won’t love us anymore unless…you name it! How is it that we, as a generation, have lost the ability to think for ourselves? We rely on affirmation. We follow the crowd. We give in too easily. We have been infected with a disease that is killing all individuality and making us carbon copies of each other.

Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “not me”. I think for myself. I don’t shop at Abercrombie or Hollister. I haven’t compromised my values or my feelings for anyone. I would beg to differ. When was the last time that you really questioned your motives? Why do you sit where you do at lunch? Is it because that seat is the most comfortable, or because it’s closest to the exit? I think not. It’s because you want to fit in. Now, I’m not saying it’s bad to fit in, or even to be popular. Being well-liked and respected by your peers is something that should be desired by all. But how you go about achieving this is the issue at hand. Do people like you because of what you wear or because of who you are?

We are taught from an early age what is attractive and what is not. Television, Movies, Magazines all portray the ideal life. For girls it’s beautifully straight hair, big boobs, and a size 2 waist….but that’s not all, you must be incredibly tanned all year long, wear expensive clothing and carry a Louis Vuitton purse. For guys it is that 6-pack I mentioned earlier, along with other muscles and the same tanned skin…also, you must be somewhat rugged and wild, play sports, and have sex with as many of the above described females as possible. Not only is that life unattainable, it doesn’t consider anything other than appearances. An attractive outside does not make up for an ugly inside. We can look perfect on the outside and be rotting away. It doesn’t really make sense to desperately want those incredible abs to show off at the beach, when the part of me that really matters, my character, is nothing to be proud of. I sure do wish that someone would invent a mirror that shows us what we look like on the inside…I wonder how much time we would spend in front of a mirror like that.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?” We all seek affirmation. We want to be noticed. This innate desire for recognition is the cause of the sacrifice of individuality in our generation. “Dress to impress”…Impress who? Who are we trying to impress with our fake appearances? Who are we trying to please? Do you honestly think that when you die it will matter how many pair of designer jeans you own or if you were “popular” in high school? In college? At work? I don’t think so! I am not saying that affirmation is bad; I just think that recognition should be reserved for things that deserve it. Things like being unique, holding true to your personal values under pressure, saving yourself until marriage. These rarities in our generation are the things that should be receiving affirmation. Maybe instead of asking who’s the fairest of all, or prettiest of all, or anything like that we should ask, “Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the purest of them all”.